I'm really into asian looking animals
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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