I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
