Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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