My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize