you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
