we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
