i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
