i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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