Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
