It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
