is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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