I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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