i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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