Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am one with the molecules
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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