you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
