You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
