literally had 100 drinks last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
