# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
