dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
