If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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