you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
