your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
