He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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