I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.