Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?