I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.