Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats