You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
