she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
