where am i from again
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
