I must be too annoying 4 u.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
