Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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