did you get engaged???
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
