its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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