when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
sarcasm needs its own font
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
