please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
