12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
