A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
