so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
