Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
