is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
