It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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