please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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