It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
