My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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