Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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