***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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