i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize