like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
