I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
