he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
