I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize