He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
