Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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