Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
