I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
