so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You took a bar mat shot.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
