That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
