Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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