I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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