like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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